HAIR

I apologize for my very lengthy, blog, Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent." - Joan Kerr but, just so everyone knows, I began writing that three years ago, ironically while I was receiving radiation treatment to my right hip. I finally finished it while I was receiving radiation treatment to my brain, just two weeks ago. Strange how things work out, eh? In the past month, I've completed 15 treatments of radiation and in the process dealt with losing my hair from it. It's been a waiting game for quite some time, so I thought I'd be ready for it, but really...what girl is ever ready to lose her hair?! Literally and unintentionally. On my 12th day of radiation, I woke up just like any other morning and went to the bathroom to get into the shower, just like any other morning. I began brushing my hair, just like any other morning. But, it definitely wasn't like any other morning. As I put my brush through my hair, a large piece of hair came with it. Tears swelled in my eyes. I stopped and looked at myself in the mirror, saying, "Alright Tonya, this IS happening. Now, just move onto the next step, you can do this.". I got into the shower and was scared to even touch my hair, let alone shampoo it. But, I pushed that aside and continued. By the time I was done shampooing/conditioning I was standing there crying and staring down at the drain, covered with hair. My next thoughts were panicked, because I hadn't thought about what was next. Brushing my hair, now wet and tangled. Now, chunks of hair began to fall out as a brushed it. I was disgusted. It just wouldn't end! Half way through I had to stop. It was too much for me to emotionally handle. My heart started to race too fast for my own comfort. I didn't want to have an anxiety attack without anyone available to help calm me down. I immediately set the brush down, wiped my cheeks dry, grabbed my hat, and left the room. I ate breakfast like a zombie and then returned to my room and read the book, "Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor" by Kris Carr(which I'll talk more about, later) for the rest of the day. Talk about inspirational! As the next couple of days went on, more hair fell out. My pillow would be covered with pieces of hair each morning and finally I asked my big sister to shave it off. I just needed it done and over with. Thankfully, she did it in the most painless way possible and in a way only a Sister can. I didn't watch. I couldn't. She didn't let the hair fall everywhere, which would've made me breakdown. And she kept me distracted with corny "mom sayings" ...If you knew our Ma, you'd know.  Ha! When I looked in the mirror, I was relieved. My head is perfectly round! Taking a shower wasn't dreadful anymore(not having to worry about the hair that would be falling out during and after). When you don't have hair to deal with...There's really nothing to do in the shower, anymore(besides shaving). Now, I understand how guys can take 10 minute showers so easily. I couldn't be more thankful for what my Sister did for me. It was a bonding experience that we haven't had in yearssss. I feel more myself, but the anxiety of what others will think when they first initially see my baldness, is bugging me, at the moment. Family isn't the problem but it is more of what my friends - both male and female will think. Of coarse.